I want to say that for the past half year I have neglected this blog. So much has happened in my life. A year ago we were in Alpine, CA on a beautiful isolated property where our plans were to erect some small greenhouses, grow Moringa and other herbs, sell them at the farmers market, and go on with our dream. Well that dream was ended when the man leased his whole property to a big ag company who could pay him a lot more. We suddenly had to move even though we had been promised a two year lease. We had a month to move. We had invested about 3,000 into the house and building two small greenhouses. We were not financially in a place to move. We were shocked and mad. Everything in California was too expensive or would not let us carry on our dream of green houses and growing plants. I have to admit I cried and screamed at the injustice of it all. Where we were to go? I asked God why? I prayed that somehow we could stay. But that was not God's plan.
A week later in conversation with some family, they told us they had a place in Mina, Nevada that they had used as a vacation house. They had not been there in three years and we could live there or buy it later if we liked it. We felt God had answered our prayers. When we looked at Mina on the internet, we were shocked. There were only a few people, under 150, and part of it was a ghost town. It was out in the middle of nowhere. I kept my silence until we went up to see it. The large single wide with add ons had not been lived in for years. It had junk everywhere and all the big trees had died. The fence was down in three sections. The day we were there, we did not see one person out. Was there any life there?
I didn't say anything but was over whelmed and sick. I couldn't see how God could send us there. It was funny that for weeks before we moved, I heard God's voice say what will you give up for me. I kept asking, "Give up what? What am I supposed to give up?" The voice ended when we learned about Mina. This was one of the few times in my life I was mad at life and God. My health counseling, my plants, the nursery, how could I have a business there? How could we even have a life? I cried constantly or was mad. As we packed and I realized I would have to leave many of my stock plants behind, I cried. I felt depressed, defeated, and angry. My nerves were off the edge and my emotions as well. I have to say my husband was very loving and kind. I took my anger out on him. I really lost it for the first time in years. My belief in God was challenged and my faith as well. When we went to the church we loved, knowing I was going to have to leave it, I cried. I could hardly get through the service. I cried more in that month, than in years. God seemed to be silent when I screamed at him or why we must leave. He knew even if he had whispered, I would not have listened. I had my mind and heart closed.
In the end we were able to take four of the big Moringa Trees and several small ones. I did get some of my stock plants in. I left huge tubs of scented geraniums and sage behind. I took cuttings of all of them. The last day as were leaving, I refused to look back. It was so painful. I still could not see how this could be God's plan. I felt God was punishing me, but I didn't know why.
The first two weeks were horrible. I hated the stark, barren Nevada mountains. There was no green anywhere. The wind blew relentlessly. I cried daily. I could see no beauty here only ugly. My husband kept up with his view that it was God's plan. I could not see it at all. The first week, there was one bright spot. That was meeting a couple who lived just down the street. Their names were Susan and Jeff, and they gave me a glimmering of hope for our new life. Susan and Jeff were our same age and we seemed to have a lot in common. They said we were meant to be in Mina. I couldn't see it. My heart was broken with this move.
I am going to close with this post, and will continue this story in the next one. If you are going through a tough time, perhaps you have lost your home, had to move, or life has interjected a chapter that is quite painful, then you need to keep reading this post. Sometimes when it looks like the worst chapter in your life, it turns out to be the best chapter, and it is indeed Gods will. Please come back so that you see how this painful journey turned out to be a rainbow.
God Bless Your Week, Kate Freer